Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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