Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
