I puked a lego.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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