I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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