Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
