Are we in a gay sports bar?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
