A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
