he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you traded sex for a burrito?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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