forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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