There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
