Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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