I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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