You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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