Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
