I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
