What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
