this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
