just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
