i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
