More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
