if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
