dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
