Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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