Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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