help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
