My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
