at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You've changed since you got that strap on
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
