Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
