Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize