I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
