i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
