If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
