Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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