a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
