I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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