Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
