How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i think i have two assholes
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
