Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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