its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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