If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
