Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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