HIV tests are more positive than that guy
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
