sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize