Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
