I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
