I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If that was your dad, he is hot
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
