um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize