I'm so fucking centered right now
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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