No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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