Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
