I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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