you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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