I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
