Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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