How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
