If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
