i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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