Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
