I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
