Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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