it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I puked a lego.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
His nipple licking is glorious
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