dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
