Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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