You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
