Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
