im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you traded sex for a burrito?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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