pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
