Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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