She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize