Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
