he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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