I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
