omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
