so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
