Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
