So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
