You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
