Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
accomplished twins. life is a go
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
