I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize