There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
