sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
