Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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