My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
