just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize