I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
