Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
