I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize