i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think your dad took our porno
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
