Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
