Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
