all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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