There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize