i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
