This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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