just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
