my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
