So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
