before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
