Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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