One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
