this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
