I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
