Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize