i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just high enough for therapy.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
